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Find and replace

You've got dreams. Some are big, some small.

• You dream of building something amazing.
• You dream of leaving your mark on the world.
• Sometimes, you just dream of an enjoyable evening with loved ones, where everything goes right.

But sometimes, other people don't want you to achieve your dreams. At the very least, they don't want to have to expend an ounce of energy to help make it happen. And, because of this, they have an all-purpose, five-word phrase that they use to knock you off course.

Conveniently, it's also a telling phrase that you can use to identify these kinds of people quickly.

The phrase is: "No one else has ever ... "

• "No one else has ever succeeded at this before, so I don't know why you'd think you can."
• "I've been selling this product for years, and no one else has ever complained about it."
• "I think you need to be more realistic; no one else has ever done what you're suggesting, especially starting from where you are."

You know this already. But when people pepper their replies with "no one else has ever ..." they're almost certainly not implying something positive like "... but I hope you succeed!" or "... but if anyone can do it, it's you!"

Instead, they're describing the shortcut to coming up short: "No one else has ever done this, and so you shouldn't try to do it either."

My God, I'm cringing just writing this. But, can I share a very small dream that someone tried to dash with this phrase just a few weeks ago?

The experience highlighted this phrase in such an isolated instance that I realized exactly what it was meant to do.

In short, my wife and I went to a sold-out show in New York City. We were big fans and we'd splurged on expensive tickets -- only to realize when we arrived that the venue had put big video cameras to record the event right in front of our seats.

I asked if there was any way we could sit somewhere else, and the manager's initial reply was, as accurately as I can remember:

"We've been setting things up like this for weeks, and no one else has ever complained."

Now, there's a happy ending. I was polite but persistent, trying to offer solutions. ("Could we stand over there? ... Could we trade our tickets for another night?").

In the end, the squeaky wheel got the oil. They took us down to front-and-center seats that were much better than the ones we'd bought. No one else had ever complained, but then again, I guess no one else had ever gotten better seats.

Fortunately, there's an easy way to get around this discouraging, toxic phrase. It's to train yourself to use it as a signal.

"No one else has ever ..." doesn't have to imply "...and you shouldn't either..."

Instead, you can create a global, perpetual find-and-replace in your brain.

Find "no one else has ever ... " and replace it with:

• "No one else has ever been as bold as you ... "
• "No one else has ever had the confidence to try ... "
• "No one else has ever stood up and said what everyone else is thinking ... "

One more point.

Sometimes, it's other people who say "No one else has ever ... " and can wind up inhibiting your dreams.

But let's be honest: Sometimes it's you. Sometimes it's me!

We can all be our own worst critics sometimes. We can all tell ourselves why our big ideas won't succeed. We can all become victims of self-doubt.

Remember: global, perpetual "find-and-replace."

• No one else has ever tried this before. Maybe I'll be the first!
• No one else has ever gone from way down here to all the way up there. There's a first time for everything.
• No one else has ever said anything, and everyone else is afraid. I think I'll be the exception to the rule.

Will it work? Well, you might achieve your small goals. You might achieve your wildest dreams. You might fail spectacularly and learn from the experience.

But at least you won't let a toxic phrase like this one stand in your way!

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7 other things worth knowing today

• The number of migrants seeking to cross the southern US border has been “markedly down” during the past two days, bucking expectations of a surge after pandemic-era border rules expired, Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas said. While a surge didn’t materialize over the weekend, many asylum seekers in border areas were busy planning their next moves after long and often terrifying journeys — not sure what might be next. (Bloomberg)
• Maine’s secretary of state sent a cease-and-desist letter to No Labels, an organization trying to form a new political party in all 50 states, suggesting they've misled voters into changing their party registration by telling them they're merely signing a petition. No Labels denies it. (Portland Press Herald)
• I'm a student. You have no idea how much we're already using ChatGPT. (No professor or software could ever pick up on it.) (Chronicle)
• America’s century-long love affair between the automobile and AM radio is on the verge of collapse, a victim of galloping technological change and swiftly shifting consumer tastes. The breakup is entirely one-sided, a move by major automakers to eliminate AM radios from new vehicles despite protests from station owners, listeners, first-responders and politicians from both major parties. (Stars & Stripes)
• An 8-year-old Michigan girl was able to escape an attempted kidnapping when her 13-year-old brother used a slingshot to strike the would-be attacker, authorities said this week. Michigan State Police arrested the accused assailant in the city of Alpena on Wednesday. Authorities also said the 17-year-old alleged attempted kidnapper had visible wounds from the slingshot. (AP)
• The founder of a Taiwanese airline flew to Japan to personally apologize to passengers who got stuck there overnight after a flight was delayed and canceled. Chang Kuo-wei, chairman of Starlux Airlines, went to Tokyo Narita Airport in Japan. Starlux began flying from Taipei to Los Angeles in April; Conde Nast Traveler described it as a luxury airline with "lofty ambitions to become a powerhouse across the Pacific." (Insider)
• Why are there so many Asian-American millennial women named Connie? An Asian-American millennial woman named Connie wanted to know. Short answer: their moms were inspired by Connie Chung. (Newser)

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Thanks for reading. Photo by Fahad Bin Kamal Anik on Unsplash. I wrote about some of this before at Inc.com.