You'd like to think that people usually have good intentions. But then again, we live on Planet Earth.

So, what do you do about it?

• First, let go of what you can't control: things like what other people think, or do, or say.
• Second, embrace what you can control: how you react or respond to what they do or say.

One trick I've worked on is to make a list of red-flag phrases that tell you (perhaps) that somebody doesn't really have your best interests at heart. I have 7 of them for you below, and I'll invite you to help me come up with more to share in a future column (share them with me here).

People seemed to like this when we did it with just one phrase, "Nobody else has ever ..." a week or so ago, so let's give it another shot.

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Phrase 1: "Somebody needs to tell you ... "

Good news: You'll probably be able to tell very quickly whether someone using this phrase is is truly offering it with your best interests in mind—or not.

• "Somebody needs to tell you that you left your fly open."
• "Somebody needs to tell you you've had too much to drink tonight."

These are specific admonitions, and they really do seem like they have your best interests at heart. Contrast them with others that raise red flags:

• "Somebody needs to tell you nobody on your team respects you."
• "Somebody needs to tell you, you keep telling jokes, but nobody thinks they're funny."

The most obnoxious forms of "somebody needs to tell you" reveal that the "thing" has to do with other people's opinions, not objective facts.

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Phrase 2: "I just don't want to see you get hurt ... "

Once again, there are exceptions to the rule. You can imagine times when this is actually a positive phrase when somebody really thinks that there's a danger and doesn't want someone to get hurt.

But there are also times when this phrase is used to dissuade people from taking risks and going for their dreams.

• "I know you really are attracted to that person and want to ask them out, but I just don't want to see you get hurt."
• "I know you've dreamed your whole life of applying to that college, but I just don't want to see you get hurt if you don't get in."

Beware that what they really mean might be: "I just don't want to see you get ahead of me."

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Phrase 3: "I'm sorry if anyone was offended."

I've written entire articles on how the word "sorry" has developed to have almost the opposite of its original meaning. People sometimes say just to get out of whatever social conundrum they've gotten themselves into with the least possible effort.

It's even worse when they say "sorry if anyone was offended," suggesting that the real wrong is that someone else is so overly sensitive. Red flag.

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Phrase 4: "You're making a big deal out of nothing."

My wife has talked me off the ledge more than once, metaphorically speaking, when I've been really concerned about something and she made me see that it truly wasn't a big deal.

Maybe more often, however, there's a risk that people use this phrase to shame other people and suggest that a legitimate concern isn't truly illegitimate.

• A boss tells an employee, "Work starts at 8:30 a.m., so I really need you here.
• The employee responds, "You're making a big deal out of nothing. I was here at 8:45, and no customers were here until 9:15 anyway":

Red flag. (For one thing, how would they have known at 8:30 that no customers would arrive until 9:30. Also, aren't they getting paid? I'm getting a bit annoyed at this hypothetical employee, and he or she doesn't even exist!)

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Phrase 5: "It's not hard."

Obviously, we do not mean this in the strictest physical sense.

• "Hey, how's the bed in that hotel you're staying in?"
• "How's the ice cream you took out of the freezer an hour ago?"

No problem. But often, and especially online, this is a phrase that people use to offer simplistic solutions to problems that actually are fairly complex.

• We're disappointed with something that happened at our school this year. ("It's not hard; just send your kid to private school")
• I can't decide which job offer to take. ("It's not hard; just pick the one with the most money.")
• I want to lose weight. ("It's not hard; just exercise more and eat less.")

In any of these cases, "it's not hard" is a giant red flag signaling that an unhelpful comment is coming next, designed to make the person saying it feel better, and designed to make you feel worse.

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Phrase 6: "I'd hate to see you waste your time."

There's a saying that goes something like this:

Some people don't like progress. Some people don't have the courage to step out of their little boxes. And, they wind up with a nagging feeling that they're not living up to their potential.

When someone says, "I'd hate to see you waste your time," they're often projecting their own fears onto you. They might be afraid of what might happen if you succeed where they didn't.

Red flag city. Take this phrase with a grain of salt and never let it deter you from pursuing your dreams.

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Phrase 7: "You're not ready for this."

I find this one in online sales pitches all the time. Instead of defending their pitch, the pitcher says:

Think about how that frames the whole discussion: It suggests that not agreeing with them doesn't just mean you're wrong; it means you're "less-than," slower, behind the times.

Only now, they're the ones who are behind the times, because we've unpacked this phrase and labeled it what it is: a giant red flag.

OK, let me know what you think. And since we don't have our site finished and comments set up yet (but I have another meeting tomorrow ...) go here if you'd like to suggest another red flag phrase for possible use in a future edition.

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7 other things worth knowing today

• Meta is throwing its hat into the ring to take on Twitter by building the next major microblogging platform. This new Meta app is expected to launch this summer, according to an email shared with a select group of creators, and viewed by TechCrunch. This text-based app will stand alone, but it will be partially integrated within Instagram. (TechCrunch)
• More than a dozen US states have the best job markets in their history. Unemployment rates were lower last month than a year earlier in 23 states, and stable in another seven, according to data released Friday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. In 15 states, unemployment was at the lowest level since the data series began in January 1976. (Bloomberg)
• Interesting. The Wall Street Journal had a story over the weekend, sourced to "people familiar with the matter," suggesting that the reason Bill Gates kept up a with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein was that Epstein knew that Gates had an affair with a Russian woman in her 20s around the year 2010. Epstein, the story suggests, implied he "could reveal the affair if Gates didn’t keep up an association." (WSJ)
• The NAACP issued a travel advisory for Florida on Saturday, cautioning Black people and other people of color from traveling there. "Under the leadership of Governor DeSantis, the state of Florida has become hostile to Black Americans and in direct conflict with the democratic ideals that our union was founded upon," NAACP President & CEO Derrick Johnson said. DeSantis is expected to announce his presidential campaign shortly. (CBS News)
• The federal government could run out of money to pay its debts on June 1, and Republicans and President Biden haven't agreed to a spending deal to resolve it. But, there's a theory gaining some support from the left that Biden can (or even is required to) ignore this whole debate on the theory that language in the 14th Amendment that says the “validity of the public debt, authorized by law ... shall not be questioned.” As much as I like the "just mint a trillion-dollar coin" solution, I'm intrigued. (Politico)
• How to clean your laptop. (The Verge)
• By the time she was 85 years old, Joy Ryan of Duncan Falls, Ohio, had never seen the ocean or mountains. Now, she's 93 years old and has seen every corner of the U.S. – after visiting all 63 U.S. National Parks with her grandson, Brad Ryan. (CBS News)

Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone who keeps me connected by replying via the star links below. Photo by Bernd 📷 Dittrich on Unsplash. I wrote about some of this before on Inc.com. Don't forget to pitch your own red flag phrases. (You can do so here.)